The All-Grumpy Edition

1. I woke up (much too early) with a sense of dread hanging over me. Not a good way to start the week.

2. I am in full on grump mode at the moment. I ate way too much meat yesterday and am apparently still feeling the effects of a meat coma. The cooking out was good, it’s just that I seem to have no self-control.

3. People are saying that maybe Britney isn’t the worst mother ever and that the press is too hard on her even if she does forget to put her baby in a car seat, or puts the car seat in the car wrong, or almost drops the baby because her pants are too long and she just had to carry that glass of water too, but I still think she’s not exactly the best mother, because yesterday I saw my friend June hold her baby in one arm and consume an entire plate of food with the other, so it can be done people. (I do feel sorry for Sean Preston though, because, let’s face it, he hasn’t exactly won the genetic lottery with those two Mensa candidates for parents.)

4. I tried to break in three different pairs of shoes this weekend, so I now have blisters pretty much all over my feet.

5. I have recently published two articles of clothing (a top and a dress) that, although they fit, are hard to get in and out of. After wearing both pieces, I discovered that they both have those side zippers that make getting in and out much easier. I’m not sure how I missed the zippers previously, but it made me feel kinda dumb.

6. I can’t decide if I am sick, or if it’s allergies, or if I’m just really tired, but I feel like a Mack truck ran over me and left me for dead on the side of the road.

7. The Snow Patrol show on Wednesday has been postponed, new date TBD. I’m bitter.

8. I found out yesterday that this guy I sort of dated like six years ago is now completely bald (he had a small bald spot at the time, but it wasn’t very noticeable because he had a lot of hair). His complete baldness made me smile because he was kind of a jerk. (Not that I have been maintaining extreme bitterness for six years or anything.)

9. It’s too fucking hot. It’s gone from pleasant spring to beastly summer and I’m just not ready. Also, when it’s hot, my fat little fingers swell up, so my wedding ring is way too tight at the moment.

10. I woke up early everyday this weekend, despite going to bed late most nights. Saturday morning, I got on the internets and started buying shit, and I finally had to force Lord Kissington to wake up and stop me from spending all our money.

11. I realized that since getting married I haven’t done anything responsible in terms of money, like making my new husband the beneficiary of my life insurance, bank accounts, and retirement accounts. Regarding the topic of what would happen if I were to die, we also came to an agreement that after my demise, he could sleep with Rachel Weisz, but he is totally not allowed to sleep with Angelina Jolie. He thinks I’m being arbitrary, but I pointed out that she likes to bring knives into the bedroom, and did he really think that was a good idea? He has no issue with any of the people I might want to go for if he died, other than pointing out that Anderson Cooper would probably not be interested in me.

12. I read Bergdorf Blondes this weekend, and although it was mildly amusing, I found it be really badly written, which made think that if the hated Plum Sykes can write a book this shitty, surely I could crank out something better. I’m not under any illusions as to my talent, but I know I could write something better than that. Of course, that would mean I would have to get up off my ass and do something.