Celebtastic

I have been not very interested in celebrity gossip lately, because for the most part, it’s just rehashed and boring. Angelina is still pregnant and trying to save the world. Nick and Jessica both still suck, just separately these days. Tom Cruise is still batshit crazy. But two recent items in the celebrity world gave me pause.

1. I read something highly disturbing in the latest US Weekly. Now I find everything involving Tom Cruise pretty disturbing, but this item reached new levels of ickiness. Apparently, Tom told reporters that Katie Holmes had changed her name (but has she really? He’s the only one who actually calls her Kate.) because “Katie is a young girl’s name. Her name is Kate now; she’s a childbearing woman.” I know this statement isn’t nearly on the crazy level of “psychiatry is all wrong” and “women can combat postpartum depression by taking vitamins,” but it still skeeved me out. I hope that her contract guarantees her a shitload of money for this whole deal, but I still don’t see how any amount of money would be worth putting up with that creepy, crazy, controlling midget and his weird cult. Run, Katie, run. (I am still somewhat disbelieving of the whole Katie giving birth thing, mainly because she was shoe shopping when she was approximately 10 months pregnant. The end of a pregnancy is not exactly the time to be shopping for new shoes, since your feet tend to be swollen. Just sayin’.)

2. Tori Spelling got married for the second time last weekend. Now, I don’t hate Tori at all. I actually kind of admire her for working everything she’s got (which, admittedly, isn’t much) and for being able to make fun of herself in her new show. But I do wonder about someone who gets married twice in 19 months. From my own experience, it’s rather hard to find even one person one might want to marry, but two in less than two years? That’s pretty incredible. The second wedding was a small private affair on a beach in Fiji. What, did daddy Aaron not want to spring for another million dollar wedding (the reported cost of the first nuptials)? Ah, Tori, you have no qualms about breaking up two marriages and allowing your new husband to cover his body with hideous tattoos of you, but I just can’t hate you since I’ll always remember you fondly from the prom episode of 90210 where you wore that bizarre Scarlett O’Hara style dress that you couldn’t sit down in and I really felt for you even though I knew it was just a TV show. But you triumphed and held onto to your virginity and got to marry Brian Austen Green in the end (not much of a prize though). Oh, Donna Martin, we’ll always love you.