My Dating Tip (Which You Probably Won't Want to Follow)

Being that I was never very good at it, I am the last person who should be giving anyone dating tips, unless it’s for some sort of “How to Make Sure Your First Date Is Your Last Date” self-help book. But I did have one rule in my dating days that seemed to work for me.

The other night I was at Toledo Lounge and I got to reminiscing about some previous visits there. When I mentioned that I had gone on a couple of dates at Toledo Lounge, my companions were a bit surprised. But I’ve always had this thing about making dates meet me at dive bars. This worked for me, for several reasons:

1. I spend a lot of time at dive bars, so it was a good idea to test out a date’s reaction. If he winced at a table that wasn’t spotless or looked askance at the clientele, he probably wasn’t the man for me.
2. Dive bars are cheap. If the guy pays for a couple of $4 rail drinks, there is a lot less pressure than he pays for several overpriced martinis. (Please understand that I am not saying that just because some guys buys you drinks, you are under any obligation to do anything. But spending 4 bucks a drink versus 8 or more takes some pressure off.)
3. It keeps things low key for a first date. You don’t have to dress up for a dive bar, so you won’t look like you’re trying too hard. Also, the lighting is likely to be dim, which can hide a lot of faults (which is good if you’re trying to hide a pimple, but bad if you really want to get a good look at your date).

Now this rule won’t work for everyone (for starters, you have to like dive bars), but I found that it was a pretty good one for me. One example: About 5 years ago, I was asked out for drinks by a young man. I wasn’t particularly interested, but it was one of those friend-of-a-friend sort of things where it’s hard to say no. He let me pick the bar, so I suggested Toledo Lounge, mostly because it was convenient for me. He showed up wearing a suit (sans tie). I would have just assumed that he came from work, but I knew that wasn't the case. So he actually put on a suit to meet me for a drink at a dive bar. Way too much effort. I ordered a vodka and tonic. He ordered the same, but wanted it made with Stoli. This is just all wrong for a dive bar. You drink rail. That’s the way it is. (Yes, I appreciate good vodka very much, but I firmly believe that if you’re mixing it with tonic, it really doesn’t matter what kind of vodka you use.)

We had a pleasant enough time, but there was nothing there on my part. I just couldn’t see anything happening. (And the answer to The Question was definitely “no.”) This was backed up a few days later when in response to an email asking me to go out to dinner, I said that I wasn’t looking to date anyone at that point or something like that. He sent me a nasty message back along the lines of “Well, I didn’t want to date you anyway.” (Which begs the question of why he asked me out on the first place, but whatever.)

One other reason dive bars are good: I met my future husband in one.