tiaras optional

"My only argument is with those who do not view the world as cynically as I do." Michael Korda

Friday, April 07, 2006

Picture Not So Perfect

I’ve now seen about 1700 photos from my wedding, the professional ones and a bunch taken by friends and families. Here are a few things I’ve learned:

1. It doesn’t matter how hot my dance moves are in real life, in pictures, I look like I am doing the hokey pokey. And I don’t even know the hokey pokey. I swear.

2. I am short. No, I mean really short. I am 5’3 in bare feet, and I pretty much always wear heels. I also have decent posture and people tend to think I am taller than I am simply because I don’t slouch. My wedding shoes were only 1.5-inch heels, not as high as I would have liked, but they matched my dress perfectly. Sadly, they were horribly uncomfortable and I ditched them midway through the reception. So, in many of the pictures, I am my real height. This is especially obvious when I am standing near my bridesmaids, all of whom are at least 5’6. Why did I have to pick a bunch of glamazons?

3. I have a lot of moles on my back. I guess I knew this on some level, but how often do I see my whole back? My dress had a low V-neck in the back, so much of my back was on display. And you know what? My back is not so hot. And it’s covered with moles. Damn pasty, sun-sensitive Irish skin. (Lord Kissington assures me that I have a very nice back, but he pretty much has to say that because (a) he married me and (b) he also has a pasty, mole-covered back.)

4. I see a hint of VPL in a couple of pics. Surely, this is just a trick of bad lighting. Seriously, how is this possible? WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME I HAVE VPL IN MY WEDDING DRESS? Just wondering.

Given these discoveries (and to preserve some semblance of anonymity), I won’t be posting any of these pics on the blog.*

*But if you are really dying to see some wedding pics, shoot me an email, and I’ll let you know when I have them up and ready for viewing.

3 Comments:

  • At 4/8/06, 4:10 AM, Blogger Big Sky Girl said…

    One word: Airbrushing.

    After a decade of beauty pageants, the only way to look at pics of yourself is after they have been retouched. If these were casual pics it wouldn't be such a big deal, but I would say that letting the photographer airbrush a few things might be in your best interest if it is really bothering you.

     
  • At 4/8/06, 9:41 AM, Blogger schadenfreude said…

    oh come on, post a few pics of the VPL! Or do you have one with the VPL and moles in the same pic?

    and independent is right, just get busy with the photoshop and hide the originals.

     
  • At 4/9/06, 4:33 PM, Blogger Lady Tiara said…

    luckily, the vast majority of the pics are really good. there are only a few that i really hated. and since there are 1400 pics, i figured that was pretty good. and i'm definitely not planning to display any pictures of my back, even if it didn't look pasty and moley. after going through the pics a second time, i'm actually very pleased with them. (my old headshots are airbrushed and they are still my favorite pictures ever.)

     

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