Picture Not So Perfect

I’ve now seen about 1700 photos from my wedding, the professional ones and a bunch taken by friends and families. Here are a few things I’ve learned:

1. It doesn’t matter how hot my dance moves are in real life, in pictures, I look like I am doing the hokey pokey. And I don’t even know the hokey pokey. I swear.

2. I am short. No, I mean really short. I am 5’3 in bare feet, and I pretty much always wear heels. I also have decent posture and people tend to think I am taller than I am simply because I don’t slouch. My wedding shoes were only 1.5-inch heels, not as high as I would have liked, but they matched my dress perfectly. Sadly, they were horribly uncomfortable and I ditched them midway through the reception. So, in many of the pictures, I am my real height. This is especially obvious when I am standing near my bridesmaids, all of whom are at least 5’6. Why did I have to pick a bunch of glamazons?

3. I have a lot of moles on my back. I guess I knew this on some level, but how often do I see my whole back? My dress had a low V-neck in the back, so much of my back was on display. And you know what? My back is not so hot. And it’s covered with moles. Damn pasty, sun-sensitive Irish skin. (Lord Kissington assures me that I have a very nice back, but he pretty much has to say that because (a) he married me and (b) he also has a pasty, mole-covered back.)

4. I see a hint of VPL in a couple of pics. Surely, this is just a trick of bad lighting. Seriously, how is this possible? WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME I HAVE VPL IN MY WEDDING DRESS? Just wondering.

Given these discoveries (and to preserve some semblance of anonymity), I won’t be posting any of these pics on the blog.*

*But if you are really dying to see some wedding pics, shoot me an email, and I’ll let you know when I have them up and ready for viewing.