Keep It Like a Secret

Not that many people I actually know in real life read my blog. I have some overseas friends who read it to keep up with what’s going on in my life (I’m sure they are all wishing lately that I would get a life). I know a couple of local friends check it occasionally. Lord Kissington reads it regularly (leading to lots of conversations in which he points out that things may not have happened exactly as I said. Ummh, poetic license, dood.). My parents know that I have a blog. My father isn’t entirely clear on what these “blog” things are. In a moment of insanity, I actually gave him the address. A few days later, he told me that he couldn’t get it to work (I suppose he wrote the wrong address down, or perhaps he’s a little unclear on how this whole internet thing works). I sighed with relief and suggested that it was probably best that he didn’t read it.

My mother asks questions about the blog occasionally. She’s never come right out and asked for the address, but she’s hinted at it a couple of times. Then she said that she thought it was better if she didn’t read it, since I needed my privacy (and then she muttered something about how private can it be when it’s all over the internet, but I just ignored her). Still, I have occasional bad thoughts about her stumbling upon just the right combination of search terms to find the blog: “sienna miller sux tiaras one tree hill syphilis orlando bloom so hottie shrinking breasts,” or something like that. As far as I know, this hasn’t happened. Yet.

But I had a scare last week, when the blog was mentioned in the Express’ Blog Log. I am quite sure that my mother doesn’t read the Express, as she already reads every page of the Post, so why would she bother with the watered-down, ADD version of it. I mentioned the Express to Lord Merlin. I saw him the next day, and he mentioned that he had picked up a few copies, in case I wanted one. He had given one to his mother (my godmother), who was very excited about it.

“Oh, that’s nice,” I said. Seconds later, I was stricken with panic. “Oh shit, what if she mentions it or shows it to my mother? That would ruin my whole ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ family blog policy.”

He called his mother up to tell her that it was all a big secret. She told him that she hadn’t mentioned it to my mother and she wouldn’t in the future. And then she told him that it wouldn’t matter, because “it didn’t give the address.”

Apparently, she is also not so good with this whole internet thing. Phew.