Numbered Post 87

1. A Victoria’s Secret catalog arrived in the mail the other day. I used to get their catalogs at the rate of approximately 3 a week, but after my last move, they lost track of me. It seems they have found me again. I like that their otherwise cute pajamas promote healthy female stereotypes, like the one that says on the t-shirt:

“Wishlist:
Diamonds
Boyfriend
Chocolate

Also, they have these pink boy shorts that say “Pink and Frosty” on the ass. I don’t get it. Isn’t this a region of your body that you don’t want to be extra cold?

2. I am done with my Christmas shopping. I placed one last order to Amazon this morning. I fully expect this package to not arrive, as happens every December with at least one package from Amazon. Do people see the Amazon label on the box and steal it in hopes of getting some really awesome DVDs or videogames? If so, they must be sorely disappointed with my packages, which usually contain things like A Short History of the Crusades and obscure foreign films. Serves you right, thieves.

3. We got a tree on Sunday. It’s in the stand but not yet decorated. This year, the first lot we went to was entirely unsatisfactory. “These trees just will not do,” I exclaimed. So, we went to a second lot, where they had far superior trees. I realized that I may be turning into my mother, since she has been known to go to five or more lots in search of the perfect tree (usually on the coldest night in December). Given those experiences, it’s actually a wonder that I like Christmas trees at all. This year’s tree is a beauty, but in my quest for perfection, I have turned it around approximately 8 times so far, looking for just the perfect angle.

4. I get a lot of hits from people looking for information about shrinking breasts. I am now number 1 on Google for “shrinking breasts.” I’m so proud. But I really feel like Google isn’t exactly helping those who are desperately in need of information about their shrinking breasts, since I’m sure there are actual medical sites that might give people a clue as to why their breasts are shrinking.

5. Although the majority of my hits are in the DC area, I have regular readers in the UK, Germany, and Singapore (hugs and pinches, kids). Lately, I’ve gotten hits from Saudi Arabia, Belarus, Romania, and Malaysia. I feel so cosmopolitan. Apparently, shrinking breasts are a worldwide problem.