Stuff

I saw The Break Up this weekend because of some weird feeling I had that Jennifer Aniston really needed my help. I mean, Brad and Angelina had their baby this week and poor Jen's movies keep tanking, so I feel like she really needs a hit*. Besides, it's got that humpalicious Vince Vaughn in it**, so how bad could it be? Sadly, the movie did not live up to my (pretty low) expectations. The first half is pretty funny, with lots of typical Vince Vaughn schtick (but can we please lose the tired gay stereotypes? The brother character was funny enough without all the "he must be gay because he sings" jokes). The second half really disintegrates and just becomes depressing, which is not what I am looking for in a romantic comedy. I think the movie would have been better if it had spent more time on the two of them trying to force each other out of the apartment and perhaps a little more I Love Lucy-style antics with dividing up the space and whatnot***.

When not watching subpar movies, I spent my time in a neverending attempt at cleaning and purging the apartment. I shredded approximately 85 credit card applications (from only three companies. Take a hint, people). I threw out at least 25 old issues of US Weekly (or as I like to calI it, my secret shame). I cleaned out my sock drawer and my underwear drawer. I threw out any socks that didn't have a mate (life is so cruel to singles) and any underpants that had holes or looked droopy. I cleared out my linen closet, which, strangely, contains very little linen. It does contain the following:

Lord Kissington's most important papers (Don't tell me that you don't keep your most important items in the linen closet because I just won't be able to believe it.)
Some Chinese paper lanterns
Light fixtures (including this cool 1940s glass number that I have now moved twice but never used. I can't bear to throw it away.)
A naked Barbie doll
A 1998 calendar
Some potpourri****
A power strip that I have been looking for for the last three weeks.

So you can see what I am up against. It's an uphill battle, but we did throw out a lot of shit yesterday. And I put a shopping bag full of stuff next to the trash room with a sign saying "Free stuff. Please take." When I came back a few hours later, it was all gone (thanks, fellow pack rats).

If you are in need of some dishes, old pots, cheesy thrillers, naked Barbies, or dated looking Esprit purses, I can totally hook you up.

*Since it was the number 1 movie this weekend and made $38 million, it seems I could saved myself the trouble.
**I actually don't feel all that sorry for Jen, because I would take Vince Vaughn over Brad Pitt in a heartbeat. I feel like Vince would really make me laugh and I just don't find Brad all that attractive. His eyes are kind of small.
***Yes, my sense of humor is a little lowbrow.
****Which is funny, since I HATE potpourri. I think it was a gift. From someone I'm no longer friends with. Which is good since I was able to toss it without guilt.