Please Tell Me Who to Vote for

As you may know, there is going to be an election soon. The actual election is on Nov. 7, but the primary on Sept. 12 is the real election, since DC always elects Democrats as Mayor. I’ve been avoiding the election coverage as much as possible, but since the date is rapidly approaching, I thought it might be a good idea to familiarize myself with the candidates and figure out which one I should vote for.

The big names and frontrunners at the moment are Adrian Fenty (Councilmember for Ward 4) and Linda Cropp (Council Chair). I’m not a fan of either. Cropp has always struck me as a bit shrill, and she flip-flops all over the place. Also, her volunteers are a bit overzealous and one of them blocked my way on the street the other day and could have put out my eye with their excessive sign waving (those things have pointy corner, people). Luckily, I was wearing my trademark ginormous Jackie O-style sunglasses (style and safety in one fabulous package). I can’t get behind her signage placement activities either. Although rather hot, Fenty has a total student council douchebag vibe that just leaves me cold. When a wine blog asked the candidates about their favorite wines, he answered, “Please know that the Councilmember rarely drinks and encourages everyone to drink responsibly. However, his wine preference is a red from all regions, particularly Australia, and his favorite varietals are Shiraz, Merlot, and Cabernet blends.” He sounds like soooo much fun. And I’m not a fan of Australian shiraz, so I won’t be voting for him.

Michael Brown is a former lobbyist and the son of the late Secretary of Commerce Ron Brown. His web site takes forever to load and plays a truly awful awful song, with lyrics like:

Get down with Brown
He’s running for mayor in this town
He knows just what to do
He’s looking out for you.

And there is no option to turn the music off, so he lost my vote.

Marie Johns is a former telecom executive. She seems very earnest, and her motto is “different.real.better!”, which is one of the worst mottos ever, particularly with the exclamation point. But overall, she doesn’t seem too bad, and I like that she’s not a DC Councilmember, since they pretty much all suck.

Vincent Orange is the Councilmember for Ward 5. I don’t know a whole lot about him, but his web site was one of the better ones and didn’t have anything terribly laughable about it, so I’m not ruling him out. If you can tell me anything about his politics, that would be a big help.

I had never heard of Nestor Djonkam, and all I know about him is that he was born in Cameroon. Unfortunately, his web site was down, so I don’t know anything else.

I had never heard of Artee Milligan either, but at least I was able to access his web site. The site gives a list of issues and “where Artee stands on the issue.” These issues include baseball, affordable housing, and some rather odd ones, like “imaginative,” “listens to people,” and “good at reaching agreements.” I’m confused. Where do the other candidates stand on the issue of “imaginative”?

David Kranich is the Republican candidate and thus doesn’t stand a chance in these parts.

Chris Otten is the Statehood Green party candidate. I know that in theory, I should probably like the Statehood Green party (I’m in favor of statehood and I’m all about the environment), but in practice, I just can’t get into it. Also, he used the phrase Mother Earth in his platform statement and I can’t get past that.

So, if you have a favorite candidate, please tell me why I should be voting for them. Alternatively, if you have concrete evidence that any of the candidates are total douchebags, I would appreciate knowing that too. Thanks.