Guest Post: Oscar Mania

Ages ago, I told Lord Kissington that he could write a guest post on my blog. After a year and change, he's finally written a few things down. Without further ado...

“Most of these movie that win a lot of Oscars I can’t stand. They’re all safe, geriatric, coffee-table dogshit.”

Clarence Worley
True Romance

So the Oscars are this week. Every angle and story about them has been covered, but what the hell, here’s one more. I have a love/hate relationship with the Oscars. Deep down I know they’re crap and don’t really mean anything. But I still watch the whole damn thing every year and get worked up about it. I’m really kind of an addict that way. I know it’s bad but I can’t look away.

Hollywood’s annual strokefest is only half about the movies anyway. It’s as much about the red carpet, fashion, celebrity gossip/starfucking/schadenfreude thing that is its own huge cottage industry. It’s the gay superbowl, etc. That’s cool if you’re into that thing. Lady Tiara digs all that stuff and I can understand how she gets excited for it. For that reason I can see why it’s such a big deal. I honestly could give two shits about all that stuff though and most of it gives me a headache. Lady Tiara did point out that I will get to see many of the ladies from my Friends-style free-pass-people-I-can-sleep-with list all dressed up and sexy. (Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett are nominated and Rachel Weisz will most likely be presenting the Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Plus many others.) So there’s that.

The Oscars are notoriously conservative. It’s also as much a marketing device as anything else. Stars can now be advertised as Academy Award winners on their next crappy movie** [Editor’s note: Not that it really helped Stealth. Just sayin’], and it ups their asking price. But in terms of truly representing the best films of year, it falls short. I know all this and I’m slowly weaning myself from Oscar’s naked golden teat. But I can’t seem to make that final break. When I was younger, I put much more stock into these awards. I tried my best to see every film nominated and used it as a barometer of what I should see. In that respect, it still has some value, but there are so many other awards given now that winter has become awards season and that’s a bit ridiculous.

If I’m wondering what’s good and what I should see that I might have missed I’ll put more stock in critics’ awards from various cities (NY, LA, etc.) and ten best lists from critics whose opinions I tend share. I will admit there is some validation if my favorite movie wins, but the Academy is so boring and predictable that’s becoming less and less the case each year.

As for the show itself, the less said the better. Other than the hot actresses looking good in evening wear, there’s not a lot there that I like. The in memoriam section, showing who died the previous year, is always nice and tasteful. Most of the other stuff they show isn’t great though. Jon Stewart was good last year, but he’s not hosting this year. I just read that Sacha Baron Cohen declined to present an award. The story is that he wanted to present in character as Borat, and the producers of the broadcast weren’t into that. That’s too bad, because that would have been awesome. His acceptance speech at the Golden Globes was hilarious. But I guess that’s too progressive for the Academy.

Last year should have been the final straw. To be fair, I still haven’t seen Crash. I just don’t have much interest. Everything I hear from the aforementioned critics whose opinions I share/respect and friends who have similar taste to mine backs up every reason I don’t want to bother with it. Namely that it seems manipulative, shallow, and broad while attempting to come across as deep and meaningful. Plus Paul Haggis is a hack. I thought Million Dollar Baby was decent (not great), but most of the quality came from the performances and Clint Eastwood’s restrained direction, which helped to temper some of the schmaltzy elements of Haggis’ script. So the fact that what appears to be the worst movie nominated won had me yelling at the screen. Plus two of my favorite movies from last year, Syriana and The Constant Gardener, didn’t even get nominated. I should have expected all this, but somehow I still was surprised and angry.

This year I haven’t seen all the movies nominated for Best Picture. The best movies I saw this year were (in no particular order) Children of Men, Pan’s Labyrinth, The Departed, and The Fountain. Three of the four didn’t get nominated for Best Picture, but to be honest, I didn’t expect them to. I knew there was no way in hell The Fountain would get nominated for anything. It’s dense and a bit confusing, it polarized critics, and it made no money. It’s not for everybody and I totally get why it was largely ignored: because people are stupid. Naw. While that’s true, it is a tough movie and I understand why people might not get it or like it. Children of Men was marketed poorly and seems way too edgy and hip for the Academy. It’s nominated for some technical awards (which it deserves) and best screenplay, which is the consolation prize for hip, edgy movies. “We like your movie, but we’re a little scared of it, so here’s a bone.” Pan’s Labyrinth will win Best Foreign Film, which is as much as I can expect. It’s also up against Children of Men in a lot of technical categories, which sucks because they’re both brilliant. So I’m pulling for The Departed to win Best Picture, but am fully expecting it lose to something safe and slightly boring like Little Miss Sunshine. But even though I know it really doesn’t matter, I’ll be there Sunday night watching. [Sigh] It’s tough breaking way.