Summer Notes

My least favorite thing about summer (and there are many) is the extra-smelly garbage trucks. They pass me every day, and when I seem them coming, I hold my breath until they’ve passed in an effort not to smell the stench. I did this yesterday when one passed me by. I managed to hold my breath for another half a block. When I breathed in the stench hit me hard. And continued to hit me for another block and a half. That is some powerful stench.

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My cute, new, walk-to-work flats have apparently already bitten the dust after less than two months. I realized this when I got to work this morning and went to change my shoes. My feet started the morning off perfectly clean. They were now covered with black grime. The flats have small open panels and apparently these panels let in massive amounts of dirt, which have now become ground into the interior of the shoe and transfer to my feet every time I wear them. It’s revolting. I am totes bitter. I am a little OCD about dirty feet in the summertime, and scrubbing my feet is pretty much the first thing I do when I get home in the evening.

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The other day I was walking behind a woman wearing a cute jersey wrap dress. Unfortunately, this woman (like me) had a not so firm ass. There was VPL and jiggling and jersey catching in the fold of flesh at the top of her underpants. I felt bad for her as I’m sure the dress looked good from the front when she put it on. I made a mental list of things to remember about wearing jersey.

1. Proper undergarments are key.
2. Always check out your backside in the mirror before leaving the house.
3. It’s not enough to ask “Does this make me look fat?” You need more specific questions like, “Do I have VPL?”, “Is there visible jiggling?”, and “Is this dress sticking to my fat ass?”