I'm a Slob/Killer Bees

When I arrived home from work last night, Lord Kissington was at the hospital visiting his sister, who had her third baby yesterday (congrats and a big thanks for taking the pressure off me for a while, sister-in-law). He told me that our friend Ward might be stopping by to pick up a CD. I said, yeah, sure, and flopped on the couch to flip through the new Lucky and watch Guiding Light. Ward called a little while later and said he’d be there in a few minutes. And then I looked around the apartment and realized that it wasn’t exactly in visitor-receiving condition.

You see, I’ve kind of been letting things go recently. I’ve been uber-lazy and it’s just so much trouble to actually pick up after myself. And Lord Kissington barely notices and apparently has no issue with living in squalor. But when I realized that someone was going to see the place, I felt a sudden sense of shame and shifted into overgear, trying to fix the worst of it. I removed the drying rack that was covered with bras from the foyer (I know, I know, but really, the foyer is just wasted space and I don’t have anywhere else to put the rack). I grabbed my strapless bra off the computer desk (the damn bra was bothering me so much the other night that I just reached under my shirt and pulled it off. A less slovenly person would have then deposited it in the hamper, but that’s just not me.). I threw the pile of shoes in the dining room into the bedroom. Sadly, I neglected to clean up the pile of US Weekly’s on the couch (which were only there because I was going through a bunch of old magazines and was going to throw them out and totally not because I was planning to cut them up to make a shrine to Paris/Lindsey/Britney or anything like that. I swear.), but I’m hoping he didn’t notice them.

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While at work today, I saw something swirling around outside my window. Out of the corner of my eye, it sort of looked like snow, which didn’t seem very plausible seeing as it’s May and kind of hot out. Upon closer inspection, whatever was swirling seemed sort of yellow, so I figured it was some sort of plant material, like massive floating chunks of pollen. But it wasn’t. The floating things were a huge swarm of bees darting around. Which is just fantastic. Ummh, hello, universe? I don’t have enough things keeping me awake at night? Now I need to worry about swarms of killer bees? Awesome.