tiaras optional

"My only argument is with those who do not view the world as cynically as I do." Michael Korda

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I'm Back and I'm Hotter Than Ever

I have been incommunicado lately for a couple of reasons. I’ve been sick for the last few days. I seem to be recovering now, but I was slammed by a summer bug combined with recurring migraines and what is perhaps a bad reaction to the heat (what can I say, I’m totally a delicate flower). Also, I’ve had something hanging over my head causing me stress lately, and the situation has finally resolved itself, and although the outcome is not what I wanted, it’s basically what I was expecting, so I can live with it (sorry to be so cryptic, and please don’t read too much into this—I don’t have cancer or anything terrible). So between being stressed out and sick, I haven’t gotten out much recently, and I haven’t had a whole lot to say.

However, the heat and being sick have made me extra cranky, and I do have a few things to say.

1. I am morally opposed to Segways. The only people I ever see riding them are relatively young and seemingly able-bodied, so what is the deal? Are you just that lazy that you think it’s ok to ride around on one of those stupid things, nearly running down pedestrians who are actually moving on their own power? Just wondering.

2. Ladies, if you have large hips and/or ass, please realize that the pencil skirt is not your friend. Try an A-line or a full skirt. Just trust me on this one.

3. Another one for the ladies: If you have short stumpy calves, flats are not your friend. Neither are flip flops. Buy some heels. Your legs will thank you.

4. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting hitched. If anyone can make marriage work, it’s these two kids. Congrats, guys! (Is Kid Rock a step up or a step down from Tommy Lee? I’ll be pondering this one for days.)

5. In the past few days, I have spotted three different women sporting knee-length leather (or perhaps pleather in one case) boots. Do they not know it’s July? Do their calves get really, really cold in the summer? Did the one I saw today wake up this morning and say to herself, “Wow, it’s only going to be 90 degrees today. It’s totally boot weather!” It boggles the mind.

6. Fake chicken is really not so bad. Spray butter is awesome. Who knew?

7. Although there is still no sign of Tom and Katie’s miracle baby, someone did spot a stroller. And what is in that stroller, you might wonder. I suspect it’s one of those scarily realistic infant dolls they use on TV to play newborns since they can’t actually hire a newborn. Those dolls scare me. At least they don’t throw up though.

6 Comments:

  • At 7/20/06, 12:34 AM, Blogger JordanBaker said…

    There's now a picture of Katie taking the fake looking baby doll to the car. And Leah Remini swears she's seen Suri. What's the world coming to when you can't trust Leah Remini?

    And I'm pulling for Pam and Kid Rock. I really love the fact that she calls him Bob.

     
  • At 7/20/06, 3:09 AM, Blogger KassyK said…

    I'm pulling for Pam & Kid also...just finished watching So You Think You Can Dance and want to hit up a club...adrenaline pumping and everything.

    First time commenting here but I hope that you are feeling better soon. :-) And remember...trying to explain fashion to people in DC is like trying to sell heat to someone in Hawaii. Effort in futility.

     
  • At 7/20/06, 1:10 PM, Blogger Pretty Lil' Dreamer said…

    Hope you're feeling better.
    As always a great read.
    Can't help but grin and giggle b/c as alwayas this all sounds like something I would say.
    It's more fun to have it come from someone else though, because it's hard to grin and giggle when you're the one ranting and raving!
    ;)

     
  • At 7/20/06, 3:15 PM, Blogger schadenfreude said…

    Don't flip flops make everyone's calves look short and stumpy? Ditto flats? Have I been kidding myself that my calves are NOT short and stumpy, and it's just an optical illusion caused on ALL calves by flip flops and/or flats?

    But if the alternative is marching around the city in heels, I'll take my stumps.

     
  • At 7/20/06, 10:26 PM, Blogger Lady Tiara said…

    jb: hmmh, is leah a credible source? i saw that picture and it looks totally photoshopped.

    kassyk: welcome. the fashion in DC thing is indeed futile, yet i keep trying. apparently, i enjoy banging my head against a wall...

    pld: other people's rants are always way more fun than my own.

    schadenfreude: well, flip flops are not the most flattering shoe choice in general, but they are particularly cruel to the stumpy legged. and i've seen your legs--they are hardly what i would call stumpy.

     
  • At 7/24/06, 3:51 AM, Blogger Alejandra said…

    Flip-flops and poorly chosen pencil skirts can be bad, but do you know what is worse? White tights. That's right. The other day as I waited for the bus, I saw a very attractive silver-haired man step out of an even more attractive silver Mercedes...at his side was an average-looking middle-aged woman in a navy suit, white tights, and black flats. Please note that this was 2 days ago and 97 very humid degrees ago.
    There is so much wrong with this city...

     

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