tiaras optional

"My only argument is with those who do not view the world as cynically as I do." Michael Korda

Friday, November 03, 2006

Ladybug Killer (Or Karma Will Get You in the End)

Yesterday, I killed a ladybug. I really tried not to. Two nights ago, I saw something on the ceiling of the kitchen. I figured it was yet another roach, and I was trying to figure out a way to kill it, which was looking difficult since the ceiling is a lot higher than I can reach. Then I noticed that it was a ladybug. For some reason, I’ve always liked ladybugs. They’re not like roaches; they don’t seem to multiply like rabbits, and they’re not usually indoors. Lord Kissington was all set to kill the ladybug until I begged him not to. He looked at me as if I were nuts, but he humored me and left the bug where it was. I promptly forgot all about it.

The next night, I was in the kitchen when I noticed a bug in a half-filled glass of water in the sink. Once again, I assumed it was a roach. Upon further examination, it turned out to be my ladybug. And I was very upset to find it floating upside down, since it seemed sad that I had given her a reprieve last night and here she was, drowned. But then I realized she was still moving. This ladybug had life in her yet. I scooped her out of the water with a spoon and put her on a paper towel to dry off, while I pondered how to save her. “Lord Kissington,” I called, “I need your help.”

He comes into the kitchen quickly, but when I explain to him that I need his help to save the ladybug’s life, he snorts and says, “I don’t save bugs, I kill them.” He leaves the kitchen as I stared in horror at his heartlessness. I pondered how to rescue the bug. Taking the bug outside would be the easiest solution, but since I live on the sixth floor, I wasn’t sure how to transport her that far without crushing her. I figured out a way to push the screen out of the window and got Lord Kissington (under protest) to hold it in place, so I could put the ladybug out on the ledge so she could crawl to freedom. Unfortunately, as I attempted to place her on the ledge, she slid right off. Can ladybugs survive a six-flight drop? I feel so guilty.

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Perhaps karma is getting me back, because this morning someone spit on me. I don’t think it was intentional, because I would imagine that if you really wanted to spit on someone intentionally, you would stop and really aim it in their direction. I think this was a just a case of a guy spitting and me being within spitting distance. I saw flecks of spittle floating through the air and I thought I had escaped contact until I looked down and noticed a gob of spittle on my coat. Shudder. I kept looking at it in panic, trying to figure out what I could do. My only option was trying to wipe it off with a tissue, but there were no trash cans in sight, and I didn’t want to litter or return a contaminated tissue to my purse. Three blocks later, I was still staring at my sleeve, when I spotted a trash can. I whipped out a tissue, dabbed at the spittle (which strangely hadn’t soaked in or evaporated at all), and threw the tissue in the trash can. Just as I tossed it in, a gust of wind caught the tissue, and off it went. I briefly considered following it and trying to dispose of it again, but it blew into traffic and I decided that I wasn’t going to take my life in my hands to rescue a germ-laden tissue. A man who had seen the whole thing gave me a dirty look. I wanted to scream, “I tried not to litter. It was the wind, damn it,” but instead I just kept walking. For a germaphobe like me, this has totally ruined my day. Now I’m off to attempt to boil the sleeve of my coat. Wish me luck. Here’s hoping I don’t get hepatitis*.

*And if the hepatitis lobby is reading, yes, I’m aware that it’s highly unlikely that I would contract hepatitis this way. Jokes, people.

4 Comments:

  • At 11/3/06, 3:35 PM, Blogger JordanBaker said…

    Well, ladybugs can fly, so I would choose to believe that she got her bearings and sailed off into the atmosphere. In which case, I think rescuing a ladybug is supposed to get you a free wish or something?

     
  • At 11/3/06, 4:23 PM, Blogger schadenfreude said…

    I agree with jordanbaker, plus it's really the *intention* that counts in the Karmic equation, and yours was all compassionate.

    But I'm wondering how do ladybugs get into sealed sixth floor apartments? We constantly have ladybugs flying around our apt., and this is a country where roaches can't survive. What gives?

     
  • At 11/7/06, 2:24 PM, Blogger Lady Tiara said…

    jb: they can fly? i feel so much better now.

    schadenfreude: well, i did intend to go good, even if i totally fucked it up. i am mystified as to how a ladybug got into our apartment. i am very intrigued by your talk of a countrywhere roaches don't survive. i want to live there.

     
  • At 11/8/06, 9:04 PM, Blogger bryc3 said…

    ladybugs come indoors in the winter because it's cold outside. so setting it free outside was only going to murder it in the long run.

    plus anyway, ladybugs are a fucking scourge. don't you remember when my house was overrun with them? hundreds, literally hundreds, of them on every surface imaginable. all fleeing the cold. and when they die, they stink and leave a stain. read this:

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/21/AR2006102100922.html?nav=hcmodule

    yesterday at l'enfant metro i saw a well dressed man walk over to the vacant tracks on his way to the escalator and spit down into the track-pit thing. one of my biggest adjustments to city life has been dodging spit. on the sidewalk especially. what the fuck is wrong with people?

     

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