Notes on a New Job

1. Starting a new job means all sorts of adult things like signing up for life insurance. I felt very much like a husband in the 1950s as I filled out the form. If anything happens to me, will Lord Kissington being able to maintain the lifestyle to which he’s been accustomed? How much extra insurance do I need? Grave matters.

2. Traveling to a different part of town for work means that I get to see a whole new set of fashion disasters every day. To the young woman, I saw the other morning, I don’t even know where to begin with what’s wrong with your outfit. Let me just sum it up by saying, if it’s still warm enough for flip-flops, it’s much too warm for tweed pants. I’m going to try to ignore the fact that the tweed pants appeared to be in knicker* form. And to all the women I’ve been seeing whose pants are creeping up into their butt cracks, for the love of God, please reconsider your undergarment. Or consider buying pants that fits. It’s for the greater good of humanity.

3. I have now figured out the layout of my new building well enough that I am no longer walking into walls or finding myself inexplicably in the garage. I still can’t really do much except make it from the entrance to my department. If I’m ever called upon to visit another department, I might be wandering for hours.

*Knickers pain me. My hero Galliano could make the fabulous pair of knickers ever and I would still turn my nose up at them, simply by virtue of the fact that they’re knickers. Shudder.