tiaras optional

"My only argument is with those who do not view the world as cynically as I do." Michael Korda

Thursday, February 09, 2006

When I Get Married, I’m Keeping My Own Name. Or Maybe that Should Be “If I Get Married”

No, I’m not calling off the wedding, I just enjoy quoting Lisa Simpson whenever I get the chance. So, I’m keeping my own name after the wedding. You see, I am very attached to my name. It’s a weird name and no one can pronounce it or spell it properly, but I’ve had it for so long and it seems to go so well with my first name (well, as much as anything “goes” with Etta) that I can’t imagine being called anything else. I mean, Kissington is a perfectly promulant name and all, but it’s just not for me. Besides, there is something so fundamentally unequal about the idea that it’s all about the man’s name. Lord Kissington likes his name, I like mine, so we’re keeping them. No big deal, right?

I knew it might cause a little controversy, since I will be the first person in the extended Kissington clan not to embrace their husband’s name. And I’m a little surprised by that since most of the women had perfectly nice maiden names and several have traded them in for odd, hard to spell, hard to pronounce names. Buy, hey, it’s all about choice. This is a totally personal decision, and I think people should do what they want. The Kissingtons senior don’t seem to have an issue with it, and my dad is delighted that I’m keeping the family name alive.

So, basically this is a non-issue. Or at least that’s what I thought until recently. Lord Kissington and I met up with some friends of his older brother at a bar recently. One of the friends kept referring to me as Mrs. Kissington (ummh, dingus, that would actually be Lady Kissington), and Lord Kissington explained (patiently) that I wasn’t taking his name. From this gentleman’s reaction, you would think I had just announced that I would be spending the wedding night servicing the Green Bay Packers and my new husband could just wait his damn turn. He followed me around for the next half-hour, drunkenly pleading with me to take my future husband’s name because “he’s a great guy and you should just do it.” Oh, wow, dude, I never thought of it that way. I am so convinced. My polite protests fell on deaf ears and he just became ever more belligerent on the topic. Sigh. Why do people feel they have to the right to question my decision, but no one ever suggests that Lord Kissington might want to take on the Tiara family name? I’ve explained to people that in the Middle Ages, when an up and coming young man married an heiress, he and the children would often take her family name, since it was usually a more socially prominent one (I'm not trying to say that my name is more prominent, but we do have a crest. Just sayin'.). I actually tried to use that argument with the drunk guy, but he was far beyond comprehending medieval social practices at that point. I can’t wait until the wedding when everyone calls starts calling me Mrs. Kissington, and I have to say (politely, of course. I do everything politely.), “No, it’s still Ms. Tiara.” Our thank you notes are printed with both of our names, so perhaps that will get the point across. I don’t mind people thinking that I might be Mrs. Kissington, but I do get a bit annoyed at the automatic assumption that I will be. Really, keeping one’s own name is hardly so unusual these days, is it?

9 Comments:

  • At 2/9/06, 8:42 PM, Blogger Lucy said…

    I love that you would try to explain medieval social practices to a drunk guy in a bar. :)

     
  • At 2/9/06, 9:56 PM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said…

    Best line on your blog ever, perhaps: "you would think I had just announced that I would be spending the wedding night servicing the Green Bay Packers and my new husband could just wait his damn turn."

    That's hot.

    Now - on to the advantages of keeping your own name: if anyone ever calls asking for Mrs. Kissington, you know it's a telemarketer/person you don't need to speak to. Click. Great timesaver.

     
  • At 2/10/06, 2:10 PM, Blogger Sharkbait said…

    Good call Kathryn, good call.

    I guess I never really thought about it before. I am looking forward to taking my boy's name if/when we get married.

    But also this is because if I still lived in the 'Cuse, I would change my last name to my mom's maiden name, because lord knows nobody wants to be associated with my father, that's for sure.

     
  • At 2/10/06, 4:16 PM, Blogger Roar Savage said…

    I think it's cool that you're keeping your name, and even cooler that your man is cool with it too. (Congrats on finding a nice guy). I really wanna keep my name (at the very least professionally) when/if I get married, also. No dude's last name could be as badass as mine, hehe.

     
  • At 2/10/06, 6:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    what really grills me, and I'm sure will grill you, is

    Mrs. Hisfirstname Kissington

    SO Eisenhower-era, but people still do it. -L

     
  • At 2/10/06, 9:01 PM, Blogger Lady Tiara said…

    rc: i do that kind of thing all the time. surprisingly, it's generally not well received. go figure.

    k: thanks. and the telemarketer thing is a huge benefit.

    sharkbait: i actually know a lot of people who have changed to their mother's maiden name.

    roarsavage: thanks. and yeah, i think my name is kind of badass too.

    L: i totally hate that. it's like, ummh, i took his last name, not his first name. (and if colin addressed your wedding invite that way, i apologize. but it's totally his fault.)

     
  • At 2/10/06, 9:34 PM, Blogger JordanBaker said…

    It kind of sounds like you ran into The Bad Ex, who used to yell at me on a regular basis about how wanting to keep my own name was insulting to him.

     
  • At 2/15/06, 7:12 PM, Blogger Lady Tiara said…

    jb: yet another reason why is an ex, right? (i think we may have dated the same person.)

     
  • At 2/15/06, 7:20 PM, Blogger bryc3 said…

    do whatever you want with your last name. but please, for the love of god, no fucking hyphens. that goes for the children, as well. pick a name and stick with it. you know what else has a hyphen? wishy-washy.

     

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